i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
