And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
