ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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