he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
