Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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