dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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