oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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