i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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