I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
