why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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