shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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