we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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