Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
