Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
