the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
