Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Barsexuality is the new black.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
