peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
