It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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