my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
So apparently I’m into choking now
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
