There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
