evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
