Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
