I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
She even gives head with a lisp.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
