ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
