dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Randomize
