That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
