never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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