I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
