mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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