So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
