mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Only a mothe r could love this liver
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
