what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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