Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Can't talk, ducks in the car
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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