best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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