It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
