Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Randomize
