I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
