Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
