The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
