can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
