i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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