What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
