I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Sorry about my life...
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
