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• (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move

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• (505): View more from New Mexico

  I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.

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• (453): View more from

  apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.

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• (623): View more from Arizona

  Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.

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• (804): View more from Virginia

  My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.

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• (425): View more from Washington

  I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.

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• (661): View more from California

  I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.

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• (563): View more from Iowa

  I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?

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• (501): View more from Arkansas

  And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"

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• (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.

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• (904): View more from Florida

  He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.

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• (434): View more from Virginia

  I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.

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• (614): View more from Ohio

  Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Fun wedding?

  (614): View more from Ohio

  Yes. Very.

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• (337): View more from Louisiana

  I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion

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• (508): View more from Massachusetts

  You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog

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