we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
