This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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