what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
