Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
