did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
