You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
MIDGETS
????
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
