omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
