I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
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