when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
